Back

Back to Men's Ministry Index

More about
Man's Best Friend

Wellness Tips We Can Learn From Dogs:

•   Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
•   Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
•   When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
•   Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
•   When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
•   Take naps and stretch before rising.
•   Run, romp and play daily.
•   Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
•   Be loyal.
•   Never pretend to be something you're not.
•   If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
•   When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
•   Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
•   Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
•   On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
•   When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
•   No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout......run right back and make friends.
•   Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Why Dogs are Better than Girlfriends:

•   Dogs love it when your friends come over.
•   Dogs think you sing great.
•   A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
•   Dogs don't expect you to call when you're running late. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
•   Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
•   Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
•   Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
•   Dogs love red meat.
•   Anyone can get a good looking dog.
•   If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
•   Dogs don't shop.
•   Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
•   A dog's disposition stays the same throughout the entire month.
•   Dogs never need to examine their relationship with you.
•   A dog's parents never visit.
•   Dogs love long car trips.
•   Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
•   Dogs understand that everything smaller than it is meant to be chased.
•   Dogs don't hate their bodies.
•   No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
•   Dogs never criticize.
•   Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
•   Dogs never expect gifts.
•   Dogs don't worry about germs.
•   Dogs don't care about or get jealous of any other dog you ever had.
•   Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk and the backs of your drawers.
•   Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
•   Dogs would rather you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster dinner.
•   You never have to wait for a dog. They're always ready to go.
•   Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
•   Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
•   Dogs aren't catty.
•   Dogs seldom outlive you.

Dog Rules, Simplified for Humans:

Visitors
Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

Barking
Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night hearing your protective dog bark, bark, bark...

Licking
Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

Holes
Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

Doors
The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

The Art Of Sniffing
Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty as the family dog to accommodate them.

Dining Etiquette
Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.

Housebreaking
Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

Going For Walks
Rules of the road: when out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

Couches
It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

Playing
If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, aim for the flowerbed to absorb your fall, so you don't injure yourself.

Chasing Cats
When chasing cats, make sure you never quite catch them. It spoils all the fun.

Chewing
Make a contribution to the fashion industry... eat a shoe.

10 Reasons Why It's Great to be a Dog:

•   If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.
•   No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.
•   Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.
•   Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.
•   No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you're cute.
•   Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.
•   You can spend hours just smelling stuff.
•   No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.
•   It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.
•   Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

Doggie Dictionary:

Bicycles
Two-wheeled exercise machines invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

Bump
The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

Deafness
This is a malady that affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

Dog Bed
Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

Drool
Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

Garbage Can
A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

Lean
Every good dog's response to the command "sit !", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

Leash
A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

Love
Is a feeling of intense affection given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky a human will love you in return.

Sofas
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

Thunder
This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

Wastebasket
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

How to Tell the Weather:

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.

If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.

If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely,
The CAT

Back